fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
