We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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