I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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