its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
