he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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