She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
