Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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