I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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