I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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