Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
