yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
