haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize