my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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