I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
