it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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