Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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