So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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