I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
