new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sober January is a disaster.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
