the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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