the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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