I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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