in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
