Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
