Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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