Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
