dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
