call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He did a backflip because drugs
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