anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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