This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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