Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
