I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
