i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
May the power of my ass compel you!!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
