fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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