Where did you get a picture of my penis
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
