with your own penis?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
