She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
