Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
