Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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