Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
