you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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