Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
