they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
