All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
