It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
