the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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