Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize