I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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