the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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