it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
