I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
