you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize