dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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