i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it hurts more in the daytime
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
