I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize