he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My feet surprised me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
