girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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