Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
