2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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