we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
