bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
