OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
