You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
