dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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