After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
