Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
