I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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