my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
